Harbored Feelings (Novel Excerpt)
Harbored Feelings
by Evelyn Lallave-Rodriguez
>This is a story about a young woman named Samantha. Samantha is on her early twentie's and she just came out of a 2 year comma. She can't remeber her family or who she really is. She is not even sure that the man who says being her husband is actually her husband or an impostor, because she has no feelings thowards him. She is finally trusting in Lucas, the man who claims to be her husband for 3 years now. For a while everything seem fine and peachy, until one day she discovers a big secret that he is hidding from her...Read to find out what happens next!
Harbored Feelings (Novel Excerpt)
"I am not Sam. My name is Samantha." I tell this to myself in the mirror and I tell the same thing to everyone who would give me that "pet-name". I am a woman and a very feminine and beautiful woman, even though sometimes I might be seen as to fierce or a little tough. And no, this is not a transsexual or "gay" ,or anything like that, as you might be thinking_Sorry but Samantha has no "joy stick" like rummors has it Lady Gaga does. I simply hate to be called what I feel is a guy's name "Sam", (sorry to the female Sams out there) or, for that matter, any other names or nick names that I don’t feel identified with. Much like a Jennifer might not like to be called Jenny.
You probably might be asking yourself why is she giving us this long explanation about who she is. Well, who am I? Here is more about me and how my story begins. I actually do not know who I am. I do not even know if Samantha Jackson-Williams is my real name. I cannot remember anything clearly since I woke up from a coma two days ago. Ironically I was told today that I've been in a comma for two years now. It seems that 2 is my lucky number_sarcastic joke here_. Everything is blurry and hazed in my head. My family and close friends are strangers to me. And my husband is the only face I recognize, but from a photo album he showed to me yesterday. There I was in my white wedding dress, only 5 or 6 yrs. younger, smiling as he was kneeling in front of me kissing my left hand, that still has the same expensive wedding ring on it. The one I’m staring at right now. We have no children. He said to me that we wanted to wait before we had children. I think he wanted to wait, because the one thing out of the few things I can remember is that I always loved children. To me motherhood seems the most natural thing to do after you are married or settled down. But again, what do I know? I barely woke up less than 24 hours ago. It creeps me out to think that instead of here I could have been walking thowards the lighted portal to the unknown, whatever is heaven, hell, pulgatory or what ever hides and linger behing the lighted road. It also saddens me that in few days I might not remember writing or saying this, who knows… Anything is possible in this confusing stage that I am. Today is October 13th 1966, I write in my notepad, and my Doctor said it would do me good keeping a journal or a diary. I’m to old for a diary so this will be my journal. Maybe my secret journal…
November 1st 1967
Today I opened this notebook as I started packing all of my old stuffs. We are moving out and into our new house before our baby is born. He will be born in 5 to 6 months. I also have two other children that for some unexplainable reason I couldn’t remember when I first woke up. It was only two days after waking up and the Doctor had adviced my husband to tell me things little by little and since our children were hospitalized due to the same jet plane accident he avoided mentioning them to me, to avoid any sudden alterations or adverce reactions. So he completely denied their existence when I asked him if we had any children. But a week after my 1st journal entry two precious girls, one a year older than the other, showed up in my room jumping on my bed yelling “Mamma. Mommy!”. I was thrilled seeing them and recognizing their tiny faces, yet there was so much blank space in my mind, so much to try to remember. For example how old they were, and who was whom. I couldn’t stop sobbing because I couldn’t believe a true good mother could ever forget these things about their children. What kind of a mother was I? I kept asking myself. Yet I knew that things like this could happen to other people as it had happened to me. Is simply called Temporary Traumatic Amnesia. And my temporary amnesia was really, really traumatic to me_another sarcastic joke. My husband says. "You haven't lost the touch" when it comes to sarcasm and dark humor. To me it seems that that's all I do. I've become cinic, sckeptical andd even more sarcastic than ever before. But thankfully as the days went by with the help of my children and my husband my amnesia started dissipating and I started feeling "normal" again but not in whole. There were many things not clear. One of things was a recurring dream I kept having about my caregivers and best friend Karen.
To be continued…
Karen and I are getting dress for a party. She looks at me and tells me,
"I barely recognize you Sammy." Once you hit 30 you've started using a lot more makeup, styling your hair in a different way. Just like that. It's not you. You are trying to be who you are not." "Like you are trying to haard."
"Well, Karen, people change. Yes, I know. People don't change that quick in few months, but some people due. If how we feel changes and our mood changes, maybe we enjoy a little change, no matter if is drastic to others." "Hey, I have an idea. I might go blond one of these days".
Karen shook her head and laughed with me, but she was not giving up on the subject.
"I see but why the miniskirt and high hill boots? You look like a hooker or worst a dominatix." (smirk)
"I am going to dance and like looking sexy. If one of those guys there messes up with me, well I don't mind sticking my hills in his buttocks, and give the dude some pleasure."_Sarcastc joke. I mean to say I'll kick the guys ars. Karen laughed and head thowards the door, and I heard her saing you're sick you lipstic hoe...
To be continue!!!
by Evelyn Lallave-Rodriguez
>This is a story about a young woman named Samantha. Samantha is on her early twentie's and she just came out of a 2 year comma. She can't remeber her family or who she really is. She is not even sure that the man who says being her husband is actually her husband or an impostor, because she has no feelings thowards him. She is finally trusting in Lucas, the man who claims to be her husband for 3 years now. For a while everything seem fine and peachy, until one day she discovers a big secret that he is hidding from her...Read to find out what happens next!
Harbored Feelings (Novel Excerpt)
"I am not Sam. My name is Samantha." I tell this to myself in the mirror and I tell the same thing to everyone who would give me that "pet-name". I am a woman and a very feminine and beautiful woman, even though sometimes I might be seen as to fierce or a little tough. And no, this is not a transsexual or "gay" ,or anything like that, as you might be thinking_Sorry but Samantha has no "joy stick" like rummors has it Lady Gaga does. I simply hate to be called what I feel is a guy's name "Sam", (sorry to the female Sams out there) or, for that matter, any other names or nick names that I don’t feel identified with. Much like a Jennifer might not like to be called Jenny.
You probably might be asking yourself why is she giving us this long explanation about who she is. Well, who am I? Here is more about me and how my story begins. I actually do not know who I am. I do not even know if Samantha Jackson-Williams is my real name. I cannot remember anything clearly since I woke up from a coma two days ago. Ironically I was told today that I've been in a comma for two years now. It seems that 2 is my lucky number_sarcastic joke here_. Everything is blurry and hazed in my head. My family and close friends are strangers to me. And my husband is the only face I recognize, but from a photo album he showed to me yesterday. There I was in my white wedding dress, only 5 or 6 yrs. younger, smiling as he was kneeling in front of me kissing my left hand, that still has the same expensive wedding ring on it. The one I’m staring at right now. We have no children. He said to me that we wanted to wait before we had children. I think he wanted to wait, because the one thing out of the few things I can remember is that I always loved children. To me motherhood seems the most natural thing to do after you are married or settled down. But again, what do I know? I barely woke up less than 24 hours ago. It creeps me out to think that instead of here I could have been walking thowards the lighted portal to the unknown, whatever is heaven, hell, pulgatory or what ever hides and linger behing the lighted road. It also saddens me that in few days I might not remember writing or saying this, who knows… Anything is possible in this confusing stage that I am. Today is October 13th 1966, I write in my notepad, and my Doctor said it would do me good keeping a journal or a diary. I’m to old for a diary so this will be my journal. Maybe my secret journal…
November 1st 1967
Today I opened this notebook as I started packing all of my old stuffs. We are moving out and into our new house before our baby is born. He will be born in 5 to 6 months. I also have two other children that for some unexplainable reason I couldn’t remember when I first woke up. It was only two days after waking up and the Doctor had adviced my husband to tell me things little by little and since our children were hospitalized due to the same jet plane accident he avoided mentioning them to me, to avoid any sudden alterations or adverce reactions. So he completely denied their existence when I asked him if we had any children. But a week after my 1st journal entry two precious girls, one a year older than the other, showed up in my room jumping on my bed yelling “Mamma. Mommy!”. I was thrilled seeing them and recognizing their tiny faces, yet there was so much blank space in my mind, so much to try to remember. For example how old they were, and who was whom. I couldn’t stop sobbing because I couldn’t believe a true good mother could ever forget these things about their children. What kind of a mother was I? I kept asking myself. Yet I knew that things like this could happen to other people as it had happened to me. Is simply called Temporary Traumatic Amnesia. And my temporary amnesia was really, really traumatic to me_another sarcastic joke. My husband says. "You haven't lost the touch" when it comes to sarcasm and dark humor. To me it seems that that's all I do. I've become cinic, sckeptical andd even more sarcastic than ever before. But thankfully as the days went by with the help of my children and my husband my amnesia started dissipating and I started feeling "normal" again but not in whole. There were many things not clear. One of things was a recurring dream I kept having about my caregivers and best friend Karen.
To be continued…
Karen and I are getting dress for a party. She looks at me and tells me,
"I barely recognize you Sammy." Once you hit 30 you've started using a lot more makeup, styling your hair in a different way. Just like that. It's not you. You are trying to be who you are not." "Like you are trying to haard."
"Well, Karen, people change. Yes, I know. People don't change that quick in few months, but some people due. If how we feel changes and our mood changes, maybe we enjoy a little change, no matter if is drastic to others." "Hey, I have an idea. I might go blond one of these days".
Karen shook her head and laughed with me, but she was not giving up on the subject.
"I see but why the miniskirt and high hill boots? You look like a hooker or worst a dominatix." (smirk)
"I am going to dance and like looking sexy. If one of those guys there messes up with me, well I don't mind sticking my hills in his buttocks, and give the dude some pleasure."_Sarcastc joke. I mean to say I'll kick the guys ars. Karen laughed and head thowards the door, and I heard her saing you're sick you lipstic hoe...
To be continue!!!
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